i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
