By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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