Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
