Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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