Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
