pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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