my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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