The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
