Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
