My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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