My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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