He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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