just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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