His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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