Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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