Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
