Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
