Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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