when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
high people should be assigned attendants
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
