I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
