oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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