Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
