Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
