She's JV to your varsity
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
