just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
