When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
