New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
