I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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