they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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