I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
