apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
