Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
