please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize