dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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