That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
