I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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