its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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