Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We talked him into tasing himself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
