I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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