my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
