I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
