He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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