I got chris browned last night
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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