my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
