oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
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Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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