i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
