You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize