Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My ATM looks so different sober.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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