is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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