Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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