it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
