Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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