Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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