Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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