chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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