she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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