omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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