Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
