I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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