She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
