Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
