I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
