Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
