I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
